Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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