My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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