I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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