thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize