I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
