dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
