i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
