Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
