ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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