i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
