Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
