PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
