I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
