Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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