do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
So. Much. Porn.
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