I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
