your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize