did you get engaged???
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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