can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
