i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
