Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
