I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
