So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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