I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
