me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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