You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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