Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
50% drunk capacity currently
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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