i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
