He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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