so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
