Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
