Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
