I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
