I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
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