nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
