Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
