I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm both gender and math confused
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
