Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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