its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I didn't notice because vodka
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
