im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
