Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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