Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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