We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
