Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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