I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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