if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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