the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize