I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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