id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
