If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
