Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
