that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
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he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
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Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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