haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
