She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
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In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
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I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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