I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
