I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
