pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
