p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So many bounce houses so little time
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
